Ed's story
by Zo One
Summary: What happens when the crew runs across a girl with no common sense? You get to read her diary that's what! Follow Ed through her journey with the straw hat crew!
1. Chapter 1 It's all fun!

: Hello!!! This is my second fanfic on here... I focused more on the funny in this one rather than the romance. And It might be weird at first but it was an idea that hit me in the middle of the night. So dont blame me for the oddness. Sooooo R&R -

Hello my name is Ed. (Short for Edwina... Ewww.) You are currently reading my diary... Wait a sec... KYIA!!! You filthy snoop! Argh... I think I'll let you off the hook, cuz I want to tell someone my awesome story full of adventure, romance and woe. 'cha I know that sounds so friggin awesome!

Well, it all started on that faithful day...

"Ms. Vacuum! Please wait Ms. Vacuum!" (Yes Vacuum is my last name.) It was another good samaritin that was concerned for my 'saftey'. Not like I was planning on doing anything dangerous... today at least. Nope the one time I decide not to do anything dangerous everyone tries to stop me.

"Holy saucepans! Whats wrong with you people?" I yell, "I told you Im just going to run away. Okay? Geez! Its not like Im trying to see how dark the bottom of the well is again."

"But please Ms. Vacuum don't you think this is going too far?" Man this guy didn't know when to shut up. I guess I just have to use my get-the-overly-nice-person-as-far-away-as-possible tactics.

"Look a group of starving vegetarians! Go save them!" I yell dramatically and point.

"Oh my! Where?" The man runs off in the direction of my finger point. I turned around and made sure my napsack still had all of my nessicary running away items.

"Hmmm, yep its all here, my 3 bologna sandwhiches, stick of gum and my glass dolphin. I cant live without these babies."

I turn and run for the dock, looking for the small boat that I had made the other day out of newspaper and chewed up tree bark.

I looked around for awhile but I don't see it. Is all I saw was a big ship with a big ol' goat of the front of it. Now any normal person would have assumed that it just sunk. But I am way smarter than that. I realized that my precious boat wanted to make me proud, so it turned into this BIG boat just for me! I was as happy as a fat kid at an all you can eat buffet!

"Oh boatie-poo! Im so proud of you!" I ran up and gave some snuggles to my newfound compainon.

"What the hell are you doing hugging our ship?" It was a mans voice. Wow, this guy was a friggin numbskull, he just answered his own question within the same sentence. I decided I liked him, even though I haven't even bothered to look at him, he made me feel smart.

So I decided to turn around and meet my other new found friend for the day. "Woah.." I say as I look at him. He has green hair.

But when he looked at me he said the same thing. "Woah..." He says. "You a boy or a girl?"

What?!! Is it not obvious from my absoulute cuteness that I'm from the female gender? "Hey! That's not a question you ask a person on their first date!"

"What? Who said anything about a date?" Ha! He's trying to play a psycological game with me. He knows I just said date, but he wants me to think I didn't. Well too bad. Im too smart.

"I did! Me and boatie here are on a date! Now go away!" Green haired man didn't look too happy with me. But I didn't care cuz I was with boatie.

"Whats wrong with you, you spikey haired freak?!" Hey! Why does he use my hair as insult?! His hair is spikey too! But his is green! And mine is brown... like grass and dirt... that means worms...

"I wanna go fishing!!"

"Wtf? Where did that come from!?"

"Boatie take me fishing!" I hurried and climbed the rope ladder that was down just for me, but scary green haired dude had to follow me.

"Hey you stupid brat! This is a pirate ship not a fishing boat!" Green haired dude yells at me.

"Im no brat! Im 16!!" Just cuz I happen to be short, cute, and innocent, he automaticaly assumes Im a brat. How rude!

At this point green haired dude proceeds to chase poor little me around boatie.

"Help!" I scream pleading with the unknown gods that were sitting on thier couches, eating popcorn, watching this event take place. "Rape!" Green haired dude catches me by the collar of my T-shirt. "Please! Im a minor! Digging up coal is my favorite pass time!"

Green haired dude holds me up like Im a sulking kitten, so I try to swat him like a fly, but he scowled at me and it was an ugly face so I stop. I dont like ugly.

"Hey! What are you doing to that poor... Er, kid?" A new voice! Could it be the voice of salvation? I look over just to be dissapointed. It was just the voice of a really tall blonde freak. I was always naturally scared of blondes.

"According to her she is a 16 year old girl, who's dating our boat." The blonde raised his eyebrows.

"Zoro put her down." It was a red haired lady that spoke now. Wow! There was a rainbow of hair colors on this ship, and I really like rainbows! Wait, she knew I was a girl? Its a miracle! I guess that we women have the the ability to sense one another.

So green haired man, Zoro, dropped me. But being the kitty I was, I landed on all fours.

"Yep," I tell them, "My mom says I would never be a good car cuz my tires are flat." Zoro and red head start laughing and blondie just stared at me with wide eyes. "What?" I ask, but they just laugh harder.

So yeah, this went on for quite a while. They just wouldn't stop laughing. So I decided to investigate. What would make them laugh so hard? Then it hit me.

"Ow!" That really hurt! Who did that? I look up from my inspection of the floor boards. There was two culprits to my abuse. One was this lanky looking fellow with a stupid grin and an even stupider hat. The other was a guy with the longest nose I have ever seen! I told myself to never believe a word that comes out of his mouth. I read that Pinocchio book!

"What are you doing here?" Guy with stupid hat asked.

"Im running away. Can I stay with you guys?" Was that too sudden? Am I going too fast? Ack thats it! This relationship is over!

"Sure!!" Guy with stupid hat said inturrupting my thoughts.

"What?!" All others say at once.

"Wow!" I grabbed my napsack and held it like a baby. "Did you hear that? We can stay." I pulled out my glass dolphin and kissed its forehead.

And that was how I was accepted onto boaties crew and was able to get away from my stupid island and go on adventures!!

:End of chapter one! Yep I treid to warn you but nooooooo don't listen to her she doesn't know anyhing! And yes I do plan on finding some romance in this one but... not with Ed. It will come waaaaayy later when I think about it some more kay? Review please!! Ill give a nice shiney nickel!


	2. Chapter 2 Buckle my shoe!

Hello!!!! I hope everyone liked chapter 1! That one was absolutly crazy! Things kinda start to mellow out from here... kinda not really. Plus I wrote this while eating my delicous choclate ice cream with oreo chunks and chocolate syrup on top!! yay choclate!!!

Disclamer- I sadly dont own One Piece. Nope I really dont. But man how I wish I did!!!

ooooOOOOoooo

Yeah, I know that all of you reading this are thinking that I'm lieing. Now I know you're thinking 'How does she know what we're thinking?' That's cuz I have the power of a dingo! Heck ya!

Now I shall continue my story...

ooooOOOOoooo

As I was cradling my dolphin everyone else had decided to leave me, except stupid hat guy and Zoro.

"What's your name?" Stupid hat dude asked while poking me.

Now, I seriously hate being poked so... I must seek revenge!... Somehow.. "Squatting Duck." I says as I put my precious away.

"What kind of name is Squatting Duck? Man what were your parents on when they named you?" Zoro snorted.

OMG did he just snort? What is he a piggily-wiggily? And what makes him think my parents were on something? If anyone is on anything it's him. He has a marijuana patch on his head for goodness sakes.

"WOW! Squatting Duck is such a cool name!" Stupid hat dude is as stupid as his hat looks!

"I was kidding. My name is Ed." Retards.

"It's okay, you don't have to be embarassed by your name Squatting Duck. I'm Luffy! I'll introduce you to the rest of the crew."

So stupid hat did have a name. I must find his weakness. I hold onto grudges like a little kid does his blankie. And I mean those very dependent kids too.

Luffy drug me into a kitchen where the red head lady and scary blonde were at.

"Hey guys this is Squatting Duck!" Ugh, retard! The other two looked confused.

"ARGH!! IT'S ED! IT RHYMES WITH BED, FRED AND RED!!!" I yell as loud as I can. Maybe his hat was constricting his brain...

"Ed, huh?" The blonde walks up to me. "I'm Sanji." He got way too close, I thought I was going to wet myself in sheer fear. "You alright?" He moved to check my temp.

"Eeeeek! Don't touch me! WAH!" I jumped on Luffy and crawled onto the top of his head. "Bleach! Clean him!"

"What are you talking about?" Said red-head. Luffy told me her name was Nami and that she was smart. 'Cha anyone compared to him is a friggin' genius.

"He's dirty! Get some water blessed by an eskimo and purify him!"

"But you said something about bleach." Nami looked concerned for me, but she should be concerned for her crew! Scary blondie was dirty and getting his nasty cooties everywhere.

"YES THAT WORKS TOO! BLEACH, BLEACH, USE THE BLEACH!" I continued to scream 'bleach' until both Blondie and Nami covered their ears in pain.

"Okay! Just shut up for a second." He didn't have to be so rude. Geez.

He grabbed a large bottle of bleach out from under the sink and poured some into a cup. "If I pour this on my... uh, foot will you stop?" His foot? He's freakier than I thought.

"Steel wool first."

"Wha?"

"Use steel wool first!" This was my revenge for him being so different! BWA HA HA HA!!!

Blondie looked at Nami, who nodded her head. She seemed to be enjoying this also.

This Sanji looked like the kind of guy that would do anything to make Nami happy. And I found out he was too.

He took off his sock and shoe, and gulped. Is he really going to do it? He grabbed the steel wool and rubbed his foot with it. SWEET! This was so messed up I started crying.

"Blondie! Blondie! Stop I believe you!" I jumped off Luffy's head and pulled on Blondie's curly eyebrows as he was about to pour the bleach.

That's when Zoro walked in. He just looked at the scene and turned back around and left. "What's up with weed head?" I let go of Blondie and walked passed a dissapointed Nami. I followed weed head out onto the deck.

I found him sleeping against the mast. 'Easy prey.' I pulled out the crazy glue that I always had in my pocket. First I poked him in the chest and he snored at me. 'Purrrrfect'. I thought as I grinned evilly. I grabbed his first finger and put glue generously all over the tip of it.

I shoved his finger up his nose and pinched it so he couldn't breathe. BWA HA HA HA!!!

"Gah! What the hell?!" Zoro yanked his finger, but the glue had already set.

"Eee hee hee!" I ran for my dear life not really knowing what Zoro was capable of when he was mad.

"You brat!" He looked REALLY mad now but he kept stumbling around because the finger in his nose threw off his balance. So it was funny. "Come here!"

He attempted to grab me again but I'm smart. I would never be caught the same way twice! I ran up to the crows nest to seek shelter from my impending doom. He couldn't climb up with his finger up his nose though. HA!

When I reached the top I noticed the long nose guy hanging out in my secret hiding spot. How dare he!

"Who are you?" That's right, I ask the questions around here!

"I'm Usopp. Who are you?"

"LIES AND SLANDEROUS FILTH!!!" I know a lie when I see one... And I definetly saw it.

"What? I'm not a liar! Well not anymore!"

"LIES!!!"

"Would you stop screaming it's giving me a headache."

"SLAN- Wha? You don't have to be such a baby. Geez." Not even Blondie, who I refuse to recognize as a human being, whined this much in his torture session.

"Just tell me your name and I'll let you stay up here." Who did this guy think he was?! This is my territory! Boatie gave it to me.

"Get out of my house!" I scream and kick Usopp (as he calls himlself, I don't believe him though) over the edge. "P.S. my name is Ed!" I yell down as he falls.

I cupped my hand over my ear and listen for the thud.

**Thud.** "Ughhhhh..."

Ah, it sounds like my work for today is done.

ooooOOOOoooo

That was my first day on boatie, even though we never left port. We were leaving the next day. And there were many more adventured to come.

ooooOOOOoooo

You likie? This is alot harder to write than I had earlier thought. Mostly the entrances when Ed starts out writing in her diary. If you ever have any ideas please tell me i love to hear what others think should happen.. expecially if you can think of a good prank for Ed to pull sometime I would appreciate it oodels!!!


	3. Chapter 3 Im up a tree!

**Hello! Sorry It took so long to update. How long had it been? Like a week? Shame on me... I accept my punishment but please accept this chapter as my apology!**

**Disclaimer- I no own One Piece!**

_Ah, my dearest diary. How are you? Feel like jumping on the bed? Huh?!! You think I'm a horrible, psycotic person? Don't worry! I'm only like that on the inside:)_

_And the story continues..._

I was making myself confortable in my cute new house when I heard Blondie shout 'Dinner' so I assumed that I was supposed to go and socialize with the freaks.

I paused half-way down the ladder. How much money could I make if I used the crew as a circus side show?

"I can see it now. I shall call the them the 'Rubber Band!'" I chuckled to myself. It would be endless entertainment... For me at least.

As I reached the deck I realized that I had no idea where dinner was. Now being a super genius I came up with a backup plan. "Let's fetch the bologna!"

I went to get my sandwhiches then proceeded to eat them on top of boaties goat like head.

I began munching on my sandwiches, stroking boatie, telling him sweet nothings like 'your so sweet' and 'that outfit makes you look sexy'.

And thats where Nami found me. I think me and her are gunna be good friends.

"Hey! You missed dinner. Sanji was worried the whole time, he thought you were starving yourself." What? Blondie thinks I need to starve myself? Does he think I'm fat? This calls for serious revenge.

"I'm eating!" I hold up my final sandwich and shove it in my mouth. "Swe!"

"You know... You can't live in the crows nest." Ah so whiney pants finally tattled on me. Another revenge. I need to keep a revenge journal. These are getting to hard to keep track of.

"Then where do I live?" I ask, lower lip trembling, just in case she tries to deny me a bed.

"We can share my cabin. I know Zoro is still looking for you. He wants to know what glue you used." Hee! Zoro's finger was still stuck! I wonder how difficult it was to eat... What kind of pain will he go through to get it out? Now I felt somewhat bad. I guess I should just tell her.

"Uh... Crazy... Soooooo if we share a cabin does that mean your offering me protection?"

Nami nodded. She's so cool! "But you have to keep torturing these guys. It's priceless!" Now that was what I called a deal! Heck ya!

So after everything was settled me and Nami went to bed. Has anyone told her she snores? I mean seriously! I could probably hear her on the other side of the friggin ship! I was seriously tempted to get some corks or something but I promised Nami that I wouldn't pull any pranks on her. Damn, this sucks.

-----------------------------------

The next morning I wake up to find out that we had already set sail. Why didn' t they wake me up? Am I not important to them? Ugh. Another revenge for me. I decided to go with that idea of a revenge journal. This is what it looks like so far:

_Luffy -2- 1.) Poking me. 2.) Setting sail w/out consulting me._

_Usopp -1- 1.) for telling on me (he is officially a pit sniffing ninny)_

_Zoro -0- He's been a good chicken latley._

_Blondie -2- 1.) for calling me fat. 2.) for being different._

"Wow." I say as I look my list over, "that's alot of revenge. This is gunna be fun!" I get up and leave just to find out that the door wouldn't open. "AHHHHH HELP!" I scream and yank on the handle. I look around in a panic. "Eeeeek the walls are closing in on me!!! I think I'm going to die!!!!" I get off the floor and start banging on my door as hard as I can.

The door knob turned slowly and the door opened. "Thank god!" I said as I jumped into the arms of whoever opened the door. It turned out to be weed head. Oh shit! I cry inwardly. How could I forget to turn the friggin handle?!

He grabbed me by my T-shirt again and searched the pockets in my shorts. It seems he freed his finger from his nose. "Oooo! I didn't know you liked me like that!" I mean seriously, he's trying to get in my pants already?

"Shut up twerp!" He scowled. Man that was an ugly face. "Ah-ha!" He said and he pulled my crazy glue from my pocket. "Got it!"

"What?" this was not happening. "I can't believe you only loved me for my glue!" No. It's not true! It can't be!

"Uh... Right. Whatever." He dropped me on the ground. I wasn't just going to let him get away with this. No way in hell! So I did what came natrually. I bit him, in the hand. It turned out to be the one holding my glue.

Unfortunetly the seal broke and glue went everywhere, glueing my mouth to his hand. Odd, his hand tasted like lotion. Ha! He acts all tough but 'Mr. Scary Swordsman' has to have baby soft hands. Unless... Uck. Nevermind I do not want to think something like that when my mouth is glued to the area in question.

"Ah! You dumb shit! Get off of me!" He tried to shake his hand free but I was stuck on there preeeeeety good.

"Ifs nof my fauf wo werk!" Great now I couldn't even form sentences. So I just took the oppurtunity to slobber as much as I possibly could to make his experiance that more unconfortable.

"Ugh! Knock it off!" He was so easy to anger. It was fun! "Let's go get Sanji..." Why does he say that like its a bad thing? Does he want me attached to his hand forever? Whatever... I'll just make this as difficult as possible.

"Im sweepie... ZzzzzZZZzzz..." I decided to doze off right there, so Zoro had to drag me into the kitchen to fetch the chef.

I woke up when hot water was poured all over my face and mouth.

"Ahhhhh!" I yanked my head back and Zoro's hand didn't come with it. "Yay!" I jumped up and did a jig.

"What do you say shitty swordman?" It was Blondie with the insult. I never understood why Blondie called him shitty swordman... was he a better one? By the way he talks you would assume so.

"Yeah, whatever..." Weed head got up and left, leaving behind an angry Blondie. Why did he hate weed head so?

Well now Blondie was scary enough as it is so I decided to leave in search of entertainment. And I found it too. In the form of a drunk singing Luffy.

Now this guy couln't sing if his life depended on it. It almost sounded as if someone sat on multiple cats at once. Perfect.

"Hey Luffy. You wanna join my band?" Man I can be so evil at times.

"YOU HAVE A BAND?!" Luffy shouted in awe. He was even dumber when drunk.

"Of course! We should preform at dinner tonight!"

He seemed to think it over before shouting 'Okay!'

We practiced all day except during lunch and the two hours that Luffy passed out. I made sure that he sung twice as bad and twice as loud.

"You excited?" I was. This was going to be fun!

"Yep! Sure am!" There was about five minutes left until dinner. I had butterflies. I was able to teach Luffy a simple song of do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do.

"Dinner!" It was time! Everyone seemed relaxed. Probably cuz I haven't really done anything to them today. But all that was about to change.

Everyone sat down and began to eat. Me and Luffy had rehersed this many times. We would eat some and then Luffy would annouce that he want's to sing a song, to make it look like it was all his idea.

"Hey guys! I learned a new song! Wanna hear it?" NO! Don't give them an option! You'll ruin the whole thing!

The crew just looked up, half scared to death. "Luffy, you know you can't sing!" Usopp was mean. Why does he have to say such rude things all the time?

"Who says?" Luffy pretty upset. Then he started to sing on the top of his lungs. "Do- A DeeR, a feMALE DeEr! RE- a spot OF GOLDen SUN! Mi- a NAme I caLL MYsElf! Fa--"

"Owwwww! Luffy shut your big mouth." Zoro didn't like Luffy's singing. Well, it didn't look like anyone else did either. But I thought it was beautiful!

"Awww! Don't stop Luffy! It's really good!" And with my encouragement Luffy took a big breath and continued the song.

"Nooooo!" The crew shout and cover their ears.

"YAY!" I shout and get up and dance.

"Ahhh! My ears are bleeding!" Now that was an obvious lie. Usopp must learn to stop lying. I shall teach him a lesson!

"Luffy I'll give you a whole ham if you just shut-up!" NOOOO! Blondie was ruining the song! I didn't understand why the crew was on the verge of tears, but this was just plain mean... Wait maybe they really loved it too! Awww too bad I told Nami to bring ear plugs, darn.

"Huh? I want meat!! I promise Sanji! I promise!" Hmmmm... Luffy's weakness is meat? Who would've guessed? It seemed like things would get easier fron now on. But that Sanji... He was a crafty one, and he had power over meat... Now it seemed to get harder.

"So Luffy... Who taught you that song?" Blondie asked as he gave Luffy the biggest ham I've seen in my whole life.

"Ed." CURSE YOU LUFFY! Why can't you be more like Usopp sometimes. Now I have to cover for myself. "She's so cool! And she can sing reeeeaaaaal good too!" Aw! Luffy just made up for one of his revenges... Wow, he's smarter than he looks. And trust me it ain't that smart.

"So." Blondie turned and looked at me. He never treated me like he did Nami. I think it was because I'm flat, or the fact that I look like I'm 12. Maybe he thought he would be a pedifile if he liked me. Oh well! "Next time. Don't encourage Luffy to sing. It's... It's just plain horrible." Now why would I do that? I wanted something in return. Hmmmmm...

"I want a fur coat! It's sooooo cold out here I'm gunna get me a cold!" He seemed to know where I was coming from and just nodded as we all finished eating.

"We hit port in two days." Nami held up two fingers. "Got it?"

"Peace V man!...Er, lady!" She raised her eyebrows. "Got it." I sighed.

_Two days later we would hit port on a small island that I never bothered to get the name of. But where ever we went I __ALWAYS__ had fun... Even to the torture of others:)_

**Okie Dokie! I must say that the lyrics that Luffy sings is from 'The Sound of Music' I watched it 3 times in a row and yeah I think I lost a few more brain cells from that one. Oh well! XD Please review!! Thanks oodles!**


	4. Chapter 4 I'm lost in the store

**Hello!!!! I really don't have much to say here so yeah... awkward.**

Disclaimer- I don't own One Piece. No matter how many times I wish upon a star, I don't wake up as Eiichiro Oda. I know sad story.

_Ah hello once again diary! I love you so! I know you love me too! I bet you want to know what happens next don'tcha? Okay!_

_'twas the night before our scheduled docking..._

"Man I'm bored!" I was talking to myself again. Everyone was sleeping already. Well Usopp was on watch so he should still be up.

Ever since that dinner Luffy sang at I haven't pulled any actual pranks other than daily torture. Hmmm... I wonder.

I decided to check up on Usopp. (That shows how bored I really was.) I climbed up to the crows nest and peeped inside. At first I didn't see anything but then I heard snoring.

OOOO! Usopp's sleeping on the job! This was a perfect opportunity to get revenge for his rudeness to my Luffy. That's right, my Luffy. He's like a cute little hamster that gives you compliments.

I climbed back down and racked my brain for something that would get him in lots of trouble. From what I had gathered about him so far is that he always steals completely random things for his "inventions".

"Hmmmmm... Stealing, eh? Lets make it look like he stole something that everyone on this ship seems to love... But what?" I looked around for awhile before I stumbled into the cargo hold. "There has to be something in here!" I scanned the room. Then I saw it. "The kegs!"

It was so perfect that I slapped myself for not thinking of it sooner. "Ow. Next time not so hard." I told myself as I rubbed my cheek.

"Lets see..." There were three of them left. Now the only problem was, was to figure out where to hide them. I searched all of boatie for a good hiding spot but it was a fruitless search.

"Argen blargen... Hn?" I looked over the side of boatie. "Puurrrfect."

I drug the kegs as quietly as I could out to the deck and dumped the beer into the sea. Before I dumped the third one I filled a mug half way up.

Now, climbing up to the crows nest with one hand was way harder than I had imagined it to be. When I finally go to the top I had spilt half of what I started with on myself. Usopp was still snoring.

"Thank god!" I think I said that a little too loud because Usopp started to move around and mumble.

I also think I started to panic, because is all I really remember doing was snatching his hammer out of his bag and whacking him one on the head. I guess I don't know my own strength sometimes. Usopp was out cold, well colder.

"Oh jeez! Well, he'll be feeling that in the morning. We can just call it a hangover then." And with that I just backed away slowly, descended the ladder and went to bed.

I woke up to lots of yelling. The voices sounded very angry. So I go out on to the deck expecting a huge mob to be pummeling Usopp to a pulp, but I see nothing. I still heard the voices though.

Oh my goshness! Those can't be in my head can they? No way this was not happening. I wasn't supposed to go crazy until the age of 32! (my mom doubted I'd even make it that far)

That's when I realized that the voices were coming from the kitchen.

When I opened the door people started to yell at me!

"You dirty little brat!" It was weed head. I was really sick of being called a brat.

"Yeeesss?" I ask being as innocent as possible.

"Gimme back my swords!!!"

Wait a sec... "WHAT!!" I was pe-od! Why was it that when I'm actually innocent everyone thinks it's my fault? "Why the hell would I steal your pieces of scrap metal?!"

Only Blondie, Zoro, and Luffy were in the room. Blondie was cooking (even at a time like this!), Luffy actually looked concerned, probably for my safety cuz I just dissed Zoro's most precious worldly belongings, and Zoro was so mad I thought his head was going to pop.

"What... did... you... say?" He spoke every word slowly through gritted teeth.

"I said your mom has a blue wig." He glared at me. "Hmph, you know what I said weed head."

I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut.

_And this my friends is where I leave off for today. I know, I know. You want to know what Zoro does to me but you'll just have to wait and see! Now wont we? RUBBER GOOSE!!_

**Phew 2 and a half pages... Not as long as last chapter I know but... I'm just plain lazy. So please review!!! Gracias!**


	5. Chp 5 Head stuck in a bee hive!

**Hey I should tell ya'll the coolest word ever!! It's Wabash!! No it is not a city! It is an awesome cool word that means hay stack in polish!! Yeah I'm serious!! XD**

**Disclaimer- I don't own One Piece! But if you think otherwise... Well I don't want to think that there are people like you out there.**

_Okay I know you want to happens next diary so I'll tell you... He KILLED me. The end. No really! Fine whatever don't believe me... I thought you were my friend. Jerk._

_To continue where I left off..._

Yes I really did need to learn to keep my mouth shut.

Zoro grabbed me by the shoulders and lifted me up. "Where the hell are they?!" He yelled while shaking me.

"Stop it!" I say between shakes. "You're going to give me SBS (shaken baby syndrome... sorry some people didn't know what that was)!!!"

By now Blondie and Luffy are pulling on Zoro trying to get him to stop.

"Not until you tell me where my swords are!!" Man this guy was strong. Not even Blondie and Luffy can hold him down when he is angry.

"I already told you I don't fuckin' know!" I screamed. Now **I** was pissed, and when I'm pissed I do irresponsible things without thinking it through first.

So I kicked him. I kicked him as hard as I could in the nose.

"Ah!!" Zoro dropped me and clutched his nose. Now I'm not sure if it was the shock that weak pathetic me had fought back or the fact that I had just broke his nose that snapped him back to reality.

"Ow! You dirty pest!" Geez. Did he ever let up? I bet he could be half dead and he would still find the time to insult me.

I stood up and rubbed my shoulders. Right as I was about to say some smart alleck remark, Luffy jumped in front of me, cutting me off.

"Zoro what was that all about? I know how important your swords are to you but it doesn't give you the right to aimlessly hurt another person. Especially one that is important to me."

What? I'm important to Luffy? When did this happen? That meanie! He's taking me on a guilt trip and it's working! I'm going to have to give him some respect points for that one. Then he turned around and picked his nose. Respect lost.

Zoro just stared, wide eyed, nose bleeding.

"Here." Sanji held a rag to Zoro's nose and he tilted his head back. "Let's get you to Nami."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I don't need your help." Oh great, and here comes the misplaced anger.

Zoro got up and left. This time leaving behind an angrier looking Sanji. He just took a breath and went back to cooking.

This was too much. "Sniff... I'm sorry Luffy." I'm not sure why I was apologizing... Probably to get on his good side, I've seen him angry once and that was scary.

First, being accused (I'm supposed to be sneaky). Second, being attacked (my poor little heart was shattered). And third, my prank on Usopp seemed to be a total bust! ARGH!! TOO MUCH!

"Huh? Ed it's not your fault. I think he was more angry about Usopp drinking all the beer last night." Luffy's face turned grim. "I'm suprised he could even stand this morning." He walked off.

YES!! My Usopp frame was a sucess!!! I must investigate the results... As I start to leave...

"Sigh." I look back at Blondie, but he was still cooking. Oh well. Must be hearing things again.

I start out the door again. "SIGH!"

"Holy monkey spank! What do you want?!" I shout at the ceiling. That was the only logical place I could think of that the sigh was coming from.

"Are you just going to ignore me?"

"Eh?" I turned around and saw Blondie standing there with his arms crossed. Why wouldn't I ignore Blondie? Is something wrong with him?... Whatever.

I began to leave again. "Wait Ed-chan!! Please hear me out!"

I stopped and turned around slowly staring at him as if I was undead. 'What did he just call me?'

"U-uh, p-please?"

"1,000 beli." If I'm gunna listen to him whine, I want something for it.

"... Fine." Woah! Something really must be eating him! I signaled for him to go on.

"It's like this." I rolled my eyes as he sat down.

"LAND HO!!" Luffy screamed.

"..."

"What happened to Usopp?" Shouldn't he be screaming something about the land being a hoe?

"Hn? Yea Usopp... He's hog tied in the cargo hold. He took all the alcohol on the ship last night, so we decided he stays down there until we hit land." He got up and went bank to cooking.

Looks like he don't wanna talk no more... Oh well. I felt kinda bad for him... I think. I probably wanted to know his secret more than anything really. Jerk.

I wen't back out to the deck looking for my good friend Nami to get the full results on Usopp.

"Nami!?" Man that chick was never around when you needed her. So I went back to my room to update my revenge journal. I was seriously concidering giving it a name, like Yuki or Scooby... Yeah, I like Scooby.

"Let's see..."

_Luffy - -1 - What can I say? I like me a compliment!_

_Usopp -0- He really should watch his mouth from now on._

_Zoro -50 billion!!!- How dare he accuse me!! He shall never see the end of this! (Demonic laugh)_

_Blondie -1- For teasing me with 1,000 beli and a secret. I grr at him._

"Yep, that should do it." I look my list over and go back outside.

"ED LOOK IT'S AN ISLAND!!!" Luffy screamed and pointed at what looked like a chunk of dirt getting larger and larger.

"Nooo, I thought it was a waffle iron." I said sarcastically. He looked back at the island.

"Really?... Well if you squint your eyes it kinda does..." Note to self: sarcasm has no effect on Luffy... His hat must deflect all of my sarcastic remarks... Hmmm it must have a greater purpose than I had originally thought.

"Hey how much longer 'till we get there?" I ask.

"About an hour." Good that's an hour of torture... Hmmmm, what to do, what to do. Bugging Zoro was out of the question, Usopp was tied up at the moment (lierally), Luffy had no reason to be tortured right now, Nami was playing hide and seek (and very well at that) so that left Blondie...

"Oi, Blondie." He made me nervous sometimes.

"Hm." He was crying.

"Ack! Don't cry! What happened? Are you hurt? Do you need a boo-boo band?" For some reason when people cry I get all mommy like.

"Huh?" Blondie looked up from his work. He was cutting onions.

"Oh, nevermind..." I felt really stupid now. Why would Blondie get hurt and why would I even care?

"Yeah." He continued his chopping session. Was he even capable of saying anything more than one syllable?

He just kept cooking so I just kept watching. Wow. This situation was getting awkward. Lets fix that. "SANJI HAS HAIRY TOES!!" I scream.

"Wha?" He looked up, slightly annoyed.

"SANJI HAS HAIRY TOES!!!" I yell again, hoping for a better result.

"Stop." He didn't even bother to threatin me. So I took that as an invatation to tell everyone else. I ran around all of boatie screaming 'Sanji has hairy toes!'. Until he offered me food to shut up, by saying 'here' and shoving a dumpling in my mouth. Someone sure was a sourpuss today. I'm not pointing any fingers here. Blondie... Now there was nobody to play with. How sad.

I wen't back out to the deck again and decided to draw with Luffy's crayons and handy-dandy notebook. I ended up drawing a beautiful picture of a blue dog and a man wearing a green stripped shirt.

Suddenly the sulking chef came out of the kitchen. "Eat..." I obyed his one syllable command, wondering what was so wrong with my food machine that I walked straight into Zoro.

He gave me his 'death glare' so I tried to give him one back. But compared to his mine probably wouldn't even scare a blind kitten. So I gave up on that and shoved my finger up my nose to remind him of his little glue 'accident'. He just stalked away cursing.

Everyone was acting weird today. Except Luffy. Nothing penetrated his hat! (I even noticed he seemed to get smarter when he took it off) Zoro was angry with the world, Sanji wouldn't talk and Nami was missing. So it was just me and the guys. Yet another awkward situation.

"Luffy! Stop stealing my food!" It was mine! It is clearly on my plate, in front of me! What made him think he had the right?

He started to pout. "But I'm still hungry! Please share!"

How is it my fault he inhales his food like it's air? Ugh. "Fine here. I don't like it anyway." That was a huge lie. It was super yummy in my tummy! I look at Blondie to see if I got any kind of reaction, but nooooooo he just shrugs. What is the world coming to?!!!

_And this is where I leave off for today. I know you have so many questions like, whats up with Sanji? Who took Zoro's swords? _

_Where on Earth is Nami? And can you really use toasters in illegal cloneing experiments? All shall be answered... Next time!! DUN DUN DUN!!!_

**YAY! Finally finished!! The little voices in my head said "Hey you dummy stop typing! It's long enough so be happy!" And I always listen to the voices... ha ha!! Please Review!! Thanks oodles!**


	6. Chapter 6 Pickup sticks end

**Okay this is the last chapter!!! XD. Once again not much to say... Oh wait!!! I must thank mihawklover for all of your awesome reviews!!! I applaud thee!**

**Disclaimer- I don't own One Piece... If I did ZoSan would be an official pairing, weather they liked it or not!**

_Mushi mushi, my sweet diary. Time to wakey-wakey! Are you excited? Good._

_The story continues..._

We had all finished eating and there was a few more minutes before we docked, so I dedicated myself to finding Nami.

"NamiNamiNamiNamiNami!!!!! Where are you?" I looked everywhere, where could she be?

"Luffy! Nami's cheating! No matter how many times I say 'Olie Olie Oxen Free' she wont come out!!" Luffy frowned. "I know it's terrible!!"

I looked around again and realized that I haven't checked the cargo hold.

"Yo! Can I go and get Usopp?"

Zoro overheard me and starting screaming, "Hell no! He can rot down there!!!" I took that as a yes.

"A pickle a day keeps the door to door salesman away!!"

"We're on a ship!!" Zoro yelled.

"What does that have to do with anything?" I didn't care anymore so I just went down into the cargo hold.

When I got in there I didn't see Usopp. "Oi! Whiny pants, where you at?"

"Go away! You did this to me." I hear him groan. "I didn't do anything to deserve this cruel and indecent torture."

I found him lying between a couple barrels. There were gnaw marks on them.

"Uhhhhh. Yes you did jerk." I pulled on his nose. "What are you a termite?" I point at the chew marks.

He glared at me. "I've been down here all day! I was starving!"

"So you eat wood?... Sure thing then termite! Have you seen Nami lately?"

"For pete's sake! Stop calling me termite!" I gasped.

"What will happen to Pete?!" I grabbed him by the overalls, because he doesn't wear a shirt (has he no modesty?) and I proceeded to shake him.

"Wh-at?" He asked.

"What will you do to Pete?!" See I do learn things from Zoro.

"I'm. Sor-ry! Nami's in the ba-ck!" He says though shakes.

"Huh? Okay! Thank you! Remember that teddy bears are really demonic robots in disguise!!" I let go of him and began heading toward the back when I could have sworn I heard Usopp say something along the lines of 'What's wrong with that girl?'

It wasn't the first time I heard someone say that, but I have come to the conclusion that they were weird and I am the totally normal one. They're just not used to my daily routine, thats all.

I had kept on searching for Nami. "Man it's dark in here! I can't even see how big the place is!!"

WHAM. I found the wall. It turns out it was conveniently placed in front of my face. As I rub my nose I can hear giggling. I look over in the corner and I see Nami.

"Nami! Look, I see you!"

"Get away from me you... Freak!" She yelled.

"Sniffle... I thought you were my friend Nami... Why don't you love me?" I fell to my knees and started crying. I saw she was clutching Zoro's three swords. Then it all came to me. "Ha! You silly sneak!"

"You poured all of our precious alcohol into the sea! So now I'm getting you back! I knew all along you were just a troublemaker!" She shook her fist at me.

"Woah... You pulled the ultimate prank!! I worship you!" I stared bowing from my knees. "All hail Nami! All hail Nami!" I chanted.

"Are you finished?"

"No." I continued chanting a few more times, but stopped when Nami kicked me. "Ow... I'm telling Zoro!!" I cried.

"Oh and what is Zoro gunna do huh?" She was mocking me. I could tell.

"This!!" I got up and stole the swords from her grip.

"ZORO! ZORO! I FOUND YOUR SWORDS!!" I screamed while I ran back up to the deck with Nami in hot pursuit.

"Where?!!!" I heard Zoro yelling as I got up to the deck. When I saw him I screamed.

"RIGHT HERE!! NAMI HAD THEM!!" I held up the three swords above my head.

"Dammit Ed! I'm going to kill you when I get my hands on you!!" Nami screeched from behind me.

"Nami YOU took my swords?" Zoro said threateningly to her as he retrieved his swords from me. He just took them and I was a little disappointed. I was at least expecting a pat on the head for being a good girl for once.

"What this I hear? Nami is back?!!!" Sanji came bursting out of the kitchen doing is weird mating dance. I think he is really some kind of bird. He went over to Nami and began doing his usual courting rituals.

'Maybe he was suffering from Nami withdrawals... Freak.'

"Hey magic brow get away from that thief! I need to teach her a lesson... In pain."

And thus the HUGE fight came. Fist it was just Sanji and Zoro, then Nami joined in. She was pissed off 'coz Zoro kept threating her while he was fighting Sanji, then Luffy came and joined in 'coz he thought it looked like fun, then Usopp crawled out of the hold crying to himself, then he started yelling things on the sideline 'coz he was too scared to even join in.

All of this created a huge racket. It was so loud the people on the island could hear them. Which reminded me... It seemed we had already docked. This was my golden chance.

"FREEDOM!" I scream as all the crew members start to advance on me, well all but Luffy, he was rolling around on the ground laughing his head off for no particular reason. "MAH-HA!" I yell at them as I jump ship.

I just randomly ran around the island for a few hours yelling 'Rusty spoons!' and 'Pudding skins!' to the passerbys. Once I got bored of pretending to take candy from children I went back to the dock searching for my so called 'crew', but they were... gone.

"Oh that's so not buena." I scratched the back of my head trying to think of a solution for all of this. 'I can't get stuck on this island too!'

When the Straw Hat crew had first found me, I had been abandoned before and lived on the island for a few months, that's why everyone knew me. I never understood why the people actually liked me, maybe I brought some spice to their lives!

"Oooooo! Lookie another shipy poo!" I see a large ship docked. It was sailing a jolly roger, with a skull and cross knives. "Ooooo! Looks dangerous!" I climb aboard to see that no one was there. 'BWA HA HA!' I laugh demoniacally to myself.

I grab a bucket of soap and water and begin scrubbing the deck, singing "Clean up, clean up, everybody do your share! Clean up, clean up, --" I was cut off when someone tapped me on the shoulder. "Eh?" I turn and look behind me to see a one-armed man with red hair standing behind me.

"Who are you and what are you doin'?" He asked. Man he had the most incomprehensible accent I've ever heard!

"I'm ED and I like Bubbles!!!" I grinned all silly like.

"You look like your enjoying yourself there lad. You lookin' to be a pirate?" Grrr. It's the gender confusion all over again.

"Uhhh, sure am mister!"

"How 'bout you be a deck hand for me and my crew then? You look like you could make yourself useful."

'That's what you think!' I thought smugly to myself as I just grinned again and nodded my head to the red haired man.

_And so it started all over again... BWA HA HA!!!_

**Yay! The End!! It took me forever to think of the ending because Ed doesn't really seem like the type of person that would just give up, so I figured she needed someone else to doom. Hope y'all had fun reading this! Thank you!**


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